Adjusting to our New "Normal"

HJ has been home for almost 3 weeks, and each day we see more and more of the happy little guy we first met in Korea. The first few days we saw a lot of this:

Poor HJ just could not stay awake. The jet lag was rough on him. He slept a lot on the floor in our living room. Visitors would come, and he would sleep the whole time! He even slept through the first few nights in his crib, which surprised us. We arrived home on Thursday afternoon, and the following Saturday was our town's annual parade and festival. I decided to take the boys, and HJ fell asleep sucking on an apple slice during the parade!

The first week, I kept thinking, "This can't be that easy." Having 2 kids is way easier than I had expected. The boys played together well, both slept through the night, seemed happy, etc.
It was nothing like our first week home with DW, who cried and cried and wouldn't eat. I even took the boys out by myself to the bank, the grocery store, the park, etc, and it was easier than I thought. The first full week home was a breeze. Here are some really cute pictures of them:

I love these boys!!!

Tim and I were shocked at how easy HJ was transitioning, enough where I thought, "Hmm...I could easily add a third child." Then...it happened. Teething and grieving all at the same time. OH MY! HJ was fussy all day on Saturday, after we had been home a week. He was feverish, whiny, and drooly. I loaded him full of teething tablets and Tylenol as often as I could. That night, he was up every hour crying for "umma" (his foster mom) and obviously in pain from teething. The next few days he was equally as grumpy and sad, and the next few nights, he awoke every few hours grieving and in pain. It was so sad, and there was nothing we could do to soothe him. We would try holding him, and he would want down. We would put him down, and he would want to be held. It was a very long 3 - 5 days. Week 2 was as hard as week 1 was easy. Ugh. We didn't go hardly anywhere during Week 2, which was hard on me because I'm not good at just sitting in the house all day long with whiny children. PBS Kids programming became my best friend, especially to keep DW occupied while I dealt with HJ's teething and grieving. Things seemed to turn around toward the end of Week 2, and HJ has been smiling a lot more, wanting hugs from us, and is starting to get back to his normal happy self. We were even able to take him to church last Sunday and show him off to all of our friends and family who had prayed so much for him. Here is one of our first family of 4 pictures, taken at church:

Tim and I love our "new normal." There is definitely a lot more laundry and cleaning up of messes with 2 little boys, but there is also twice the fun!

The Long Trip Home (9/30)

Our little man ready to head to the airport

We got up, made our last packets of instant coffee (can't wait to get home to REAL coffee and liquid vanilla creamer!), had a small snack, fed HJ, finished packing, and headed downstairs with all of our luggage. I did take a moment to look out the window one last time to enjoy the sunrise over Seoul. It's such a beautiful city, and I have really fallen in love with it. Once downstairs, the front desk man called for the agency van, which took us a few blocks away to the Korean Air shuttle stop. The shuttle had just left, and we weren't sure how long before it would be back, so we went ahead and just took a taxi to the airport (which cost about $55 for those of you who might be going to SWS in Seoul soon. The KAL shuttle cost about $35.) There are so many mixed emotions on the way to the airport. I remember feeling the same way when we left for the airport with DW. Feelings of sadness for leaving the city that gave me a child, for all of the things HJ won't experience since he will grow up in the U.S., sadness for his foster family, yet excited to go home and start our new life together and excited to see our big boy again.

Tim's "I just can't wait to get on a plane with this little guy for 12 hours!" face.

We arrived at the airport, headed to the Korean Air counter to check in. Our original seats were in the center of the middle section of the plane. Yeah right...that won't work with a toddler! Korean Air is WONDERFUL, and we highly recommend them. When we checked in, before we even asked to change seats, they moved us to bulkhead seating where we had extra leg room. We then went through security and on to immigration. A man reviewed our adoption documents and then sent us on our way. We arrived at our gate with about 30 minutes before boarding time. We got some Subway sandwiches and then exchanged our Korean won back to American dollars. After we ate, it was time to board for our 11 AM flight. Let me just say that it felt like the l-o-n-g-e-s-t flight ever. The entertainment systems were broken, HJ only slept about 1/3 of the time, and this is the face we frequently saw:

"Come on dad, just let me climb over your leg and roam the aisles!"

It was so hard to keep him entertained and happy. We fed him lots of snacks, looked at books, played with his light up/musical Pororo the Penguin flashlight, played peek-a-boo, got up and walked around, let him sit in the lady's lap next to us when she offered, let him play on the floor in front of us where Tim and I made a "play pen" with our legs, let him pound on the entertainment center screen, patted his back to get him to go to sleep...you get the picture. It was non-stop action unless he was sleeping. One positive thing is that he hardly cried. A few people commented about how well he had bonded with Tim, and how if we hadn't just told them he joined our family the day before, they would've thought he had been with us for months. One of the weird things about flying from Seoul to the U.S. is that due to the time zone changes you go 'backwards' in time. We left around 11 AM and then as we flew east, it got dark, and then we saw the sunrise again while over the West Coast area of the U.S.

We arrived in Dallas at 9 AM, right on time. Here's where the story gets a little more interesting. We got off the plane and headed to the immigration line. If it were just Tim and me, we could have flashed our U.S. passports and gone right through. However, HJ is not a U.S. citizen yet, so we had to go through the non-citizen line. Ahead of us was a large family who each had to be fingerprinted before going through. We waited and waited. Finally it was our turn, the immigration officer looked at our adoption paperwork, stamped it, and we were done. By this time, it was about 10:00 AM. Our connecting flight was scheduled for 11 AM take off. We knew we would have to hurry. Because we had come from an international flight, we had to claim our checked bags, and then go through customs. We happened to get in to slowest line. More waiting. HJ is crying and wants out of the baby carrier. He needs a bottle. He needs a diaper change. I need to go to the restroom. We are all soooooo tired and getting more frustrated by the second. We finally get through customs and it is almost 10:30AM. We go directly to the American Airlines counter and they take our checked bags and issue our boarding passes. They told us we had better hurry and that we probably wouldn't make the flight. We ran through the airport, up the escalator, and to the tram. We had to go to a different terminal, several stops away. We finally made it to the gate, out of breath and exhausted, only to find that the plane was gone. We missed it by about 7 minutes! We got boarding passes for the next flight which was scheduled to leave at 2 PM. We called our family and friends to update them on our arrival time, grabbed a bite to eat, and then relaxed at our gate. Tim and I got Starbucks to help with our exhaustion. We gave HJ a straw to play with, and he put it in his snack container and pretended he was drinking too! What a smart little boy!

HJ's "Starbucks Coffee"

At about 1:45 PM, Tim noticed that there was not a plane at our gate. I had noticed too, but it didn't register in my tired mind that this could be an issue. Tim asked at the AA counter, and they notified him that our gate had changed from A39 to A 14. WHAT?! The AA person called for a golf cart, and a very nice lady gave us a ride to A 14. We were those annoying people in the cart. I can still hear the lady shouting, "Excuse the cart. Please excuse the cart. Thank you for your cooperation." She notified the AA reps at gate A14 that we were on our way, and we just barely made it before take off. Of course our seats were at the very back of the plane, so we had to walk past everyone! It was somewhat embarrassing, but we were so relieved to be on that plane. Going from Dallas to XNA is a short flight. HJ slept the whole time, thank goodness! I had bought DW and HJ matching shirts to wear for HJ's arrival day. After our plane landed, I grabbed the special shirt out of the bag to put on him, and it was really wet. I guess one of the bottles had leaked in the diaper bag. Ugh... So, I just put the wet shirt over his dry shirt so the boys would match for pictures. Yeah...mom of the year here.

At a little past 3 pm, after traveling for 18 hours, we stepped off the plane and headed towards the exit. I could see my parents and my little DW waving at us, and that was when I lost it. I was so glad to be home and so excited to have both of my boys together at last. I will never forget that feeling and the tears of joy and thanksgiving for all God has blessed us with. All of the months of praying for and waiting for another child were gone. We were finally a family of 4! When we reached our family, DW leaned in to HJ and said, "Hi HyungJoon" and gave him a hug. So sweet! One of my coworkers photographed the homecoming for us, and once I have the pictures, I'll post them.

The rest of the day is a blur. We are so thankful that our families took care of us for several days following HJ's homecoming. We did not have to worry about cooking or cleaning, and my parents continued to care for DW's needs (and trust me when I say he was very needy!) for a few days since he preferred them to us after spending the week with them. One more thing, DW rode home from the airport with my parents. Apparently once in the truck, he was talking about his new brother and said something to the effect of "he has my eyes/his eyes are like mine" :) That's my observant little boy!

Asleep within minutes of leaving the airport

Meeting again at home

Brothers - Together at last!

Home sweet home!

Wednesday, Sept. 29: Gotcha Day!

We started out our day packing and baby proofing our room at the guesthouse. Then, off to Dunkin' Donuts one last time for some coffee and breakfast sandwiches. We then took a taxi to Eastern Social Welfare Society to see DW's foster mom one last time. She brought a gift for him: a remote control Thomas the Train (which he loves!). We said good-bye to her, and took a taxi back to the guesthouse.

After a quick lunch from a local sandwich shop, we nervously went to Social Welfare Society to play with HJ and then receive custody of him. You would expect us to be really excited to finally get our son, but in reality, it is a very sad time. The foster mom was running late, so that left Tim and me sitting in the waiting room, getting more and more nervous each minute. The social worker decided to take us to visit the Babies Reception Home located in the same building as our guesthouse. We got to see the room where HJ lived before moving into his foster family's home. There were about 60 babies at the Reception Home from newborn to about 3 months old, who will eventually go into foster care. Foster mom finally arrived with HJ, and we played in the "photo room" together. All of the pictures we had received of HJ prior to meeting him had been taken in the photo room. The room was a lot smaller than it looks in the pictures. The purple chair was so tiny, yet it looks full size in the pictures. HJ was happy, as usual, and let us play with him. The whole experience was rather awkward as his foster mom was in the room with us. She doesn't speak English, and we don't speak Korean, so we couldn't communicate, and it almost felt like she was watching our every move and evaluating our parenting skills. I'm sure she was really just focused on her last moments with HJ, but it was a little nervewracking. Then the social worker and foster mom took him to the medical clinic downstairs for his last exam. He weighed 24 lbs and the doctor said he is healthy with no medical concerns. We are so thankful for that! After a few pictures of us all together, the social worker said it was time to say good-bye. I can't describe how hard it was. The foster mom cried, I cried, and she handed HJ over to Tim. HJ did fine throughout everything though. We got on the elevator first, and the foster mom watched us leave. It was so heartbreaking to see her so sad. She really loves her HyungJoon and we will send her an update and pictures soon. It also sad that HJ is losing everything that is familiar to him: culture, language, food, family, smells, routine, sleeping arrangements, etc. We went directly to our guesthouse room, and he explored. He seemed tired, so we gave him a bottle and he fell right asleep. It felt amazing to finally have him in our arms!

HJ came to us with no shoes, which surprised me because he can walk. I had brought a pair, but they ended up being too small. So, my new friend T (who was also staying at the guesthouse) and I walked to E-Mart to look for shoes and dinner for our husbands and new babies. Apparently E-Mart doesn't carry anything for babies other than diapers and toys. They didn't have any shoes, socks, or clothing for babies. We also didn't find anything appealling for dinner. I bought an apple for HJ, and it cost 3,300 won! That is about $3.00 for one apple! We wandered around a few other stores but still couldn't find any shoes. It was getting dark, so we figured we had better find some dinner and head back to the guesthouse. We found a Domino's pizza and took some back to our husbands. Both boys did great with their new dads while the moms were out. We let the little boys play together for a little while, but they were both so tired. We took HJ back to our room, finished packing, and got him ready for bed. He normally goes to bed around 10 PM, so that's about when we finally laid down. He rolled around and fussed a little, took a bottle, and then went to sleep. However, he woke up multiple times during the first hour or so. He would sit straight up and say, "Mama, umma, umma, mama?" Then he would briefly cry and scream, and then go back to sleep. He wanted his foster mom, and did not want us to comfort him. He slept from about 11:30 PM to 6 AM the next morning. We thought that was excellent for his first night with us. He is such a happy, fun, curious, active little boy. We are so thankful that God chose us to be his parents. He seems like he will be a perfect fit for our family, and we are so excited for he and DW to meet.

Tuesday 9/28: COEX Mall

We didn't do much today. We were up early and Skyped back home to DW and my parents. We're ready to go home and see DW. He is funny on Skype: he tries to hand us puzzle pieces ("cake") through the computer. He seems to be having fun with his grandma and grandpa, and we're glad he's getting a lot of attention before little brother comes home.

We went to Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast, where I had the most amazing cup of coffee! It's been so hard to find good coffee around here. Instead of donuts, we had egg, bacon, and cheese in tortillas. Yum! Surprisingly, I have been missing eggs. We were both tired and came back and slept a few hours.

We visited COEX Mall which was just 2 subway stops from where we are staying. It was the biggest mall we have ever seen! I think it was 3 stories, with 2 being underground. Within the mall is a huge aquarium, a multi-screen cinema, a casino, many restaurants, and many stores. We saw a bunch of cute elementary age students in uniforms who were going to the aquarium. A few little girls kept waving at Tim! We wandered around and found a few more Thomas the Train and Pororo the Penguin gifts for the boys.

We ate lunch at a traditional Korean restaurant, however, it wasn't nearly as good as what we ate a few days ago with Caroline and Megan. The bulgogi was cooked at our table, and it was delicious, but the side dishes were very odd, and we weren't sure what they were. It was also very over priced, so it was a little depressing to spend that much on a meal we didn't really like.

We're really just ready to get HJ and come home. Tomorrow's the big day! We appreciate your continued prayers for us through this transition.

First Meeting with HyungJoon (9/27)

We started out the morning looking for a Western style breakfast. We ate at McDonalds, then went to Dunkin' Donuts for dessert. Good thing we are walking a lot or both of us would gain a lot of weight on this trip! After breakfast, we took a 30min. taxi ride to Eastern Social Welfare Society, which is the adoption agency that DW was with. We met with his foster mom, and his social worker translated. It was very special to see them both again. We took lots of pictures of DW for his foster mom, and she loved it. Both the social worker and foster mom were interested to know how his adjustment was after we got custody of him. They were both really concerned about him since he doesn't handle change well. We talked about his adjustment, and mentioned that he sometimes has a temper, and they both laughed, saying yes, they knew that! We recorded foster mom saying a message for DW. It is obvious she really loved him. We will be going back to Eastern to see DW's foster mom again on Wednesday morning because she has a gift for him that we need to pick up. She's so sweet!

After our meeting, we sat through a little meeting with Dr. Kim, the President of Eastern, and she talked about the history of adoption in Korea. Eastern provided a Korean lunch for us and the other families there meeting their children. We ate quickly, then took a taxi back to our guesthouse.

We packed up gifts for HJ's foster family, and headed up the street to the offices of Social Welfare Society (SWS) adoption agency. We went up to the 7th floor, and met with Ms. Lee, his social worker. We also met 3 other families who were getting ready to meet their children for the first time. Ms. Lee brought us 2 new pictures of HJ that were taken for his first birthday. They were framed and the second I saw them, I almost cried. It finally felt real that he is going to be our son. The pictures of him are beautiful. Ms. Lee got a taxi, and we all traveled about 30 minutes to HJ's foster family's home. None of the taxi drivers believe in air conditioning, and the traffic was very start/stop, and I get motion sick easily, so I was miserable during the ride. We finally arrived at the foster family's apartment, but Ms. Lee didn't know which was the specific apartment, so she called HJ's foster mom. Foster mom and HJ came outside, and that's where we saw him for the first time. We were amazed at how big he was, and how little the foster mom was! He was smiling and happy, and we walked up to her apartment. We sat down, and he knew that we were umma and appa (mom and dad). We had sent pictures of our family, and obviously the foster mom had taken time to teach him who we were prior to our arrival. Tim immediately made him laugh, and then he sat in Tim's lap. The foster mom had prepared lots of snacks for us, including orange juice, grapes, apples, pears, and varieties of Korean style rice cakes. HJ played with the forks and would hand them to us, waiting for us to say 'kamsahamnida" (thank you). He loves fruit and would eat the pears and apples, and would chew on the grapes and then spit them out. The foster mom says he likes fruit better than snacks like crackers or rice cakes. He is just adorable, so happy, and so big. I think he might weigh almost as much as DW! I'm not sure if the clothes we brought will fit him. He liked playing with the hot wheels car I brought (thank you Valarie for the idea!), and he loves his stuffed elephant. Tim would throw the elephant at him, and he would laugh and laugh. We asked the foster mom questions about his daily schedule, and he sometimes takes 2 naps a day. She pats his back to get him to sleep. We asked if he gets grumpy, and she said only when he is hungry. We exchanged gifts, and the foster mom gave us the most beautiful hanbok (traditional Korean outfit for special occasions), pictures of him, and all of the clothes and toys we had sent in care packages. After about an hour, it was time to go, so we took a taxi back to the guesthouse. We couldn't have asked for a better first meeting with HJ! We see him again on Wednesday at 1 PM, and then he will be ours forever!

We met a couple from Pittsburgh who are adopting a baby boy as well. They are staying a few doors down from us at the guesthouse. We went to dinner together to the Mexican restaurant that Tim and I found a few days ago. Afterward, we went to Starbucks for some coffee. It was so much fun talking to them. This is their first adoption and first child, so they had a lot of questions for us. We've already planned a Wednesday evening playdate for our boys at the guesthouse. :)